Reflections on the Intimacy of Intimacy
The truth is, the truth is... that was in the cocoon, and now it’s time to emerge. Emerge into my art, emerge into self-love. Emerge into nourishing my body as a minute-by-minute practice. Emerge into support, and community, and friendships. Don’t long for the safety of the cocoon - relishing back into those soft eyes and warm smiles. Smiles await you out here. Smiles that belong to the many, belong to me. I am those smiles. Those smiles are mine. They fuel me, they feed me. To enter into the cocoon of safety and acceptance was to engage in a wisdom of deep belonging. To sit still within the space of duality and partnership is to be a part of something greater than oneself. But it cannot exist isolated from the ecosystem as a separate entity. It needs to breathe, drink, eat and play. To retreat back into the safety cocoon of my mind is to isolate myself from the very things that fuel me. Even within a partnership, I must continue to nurture from nature and nurture nature in return. Without this, my creativity will die. My warmth will die. My love will die.
The cocoon is a place of beauty that I can revisit for a drink. A space of oneness. A space of whole. A space of unique beauty and raucous play. A space of creativity, of inspiration, of music and dance and food and drink. The cocoon still exists deep within me, where I hold precious space for such connections. Mixing the love of life with the love of flesh, drinking each other in with eyes full of desire and hands that vibrate energy when touching one another’s skin. That place still exists. I carry it with me, precious and delicate and a secret greater than any. Only to be revealed to those wondrous few. And few they are, yet few there are.
So I nurture, and I nourish, and I create and I flourish, with a secret smile for those that know. Those in the know. Those precious few who know me well. They know me well.
Keep that cocoon, keep it on the stem of a beautiful wildflower with a wondrous scent, swaying gently in a warm late spring breeze, with bees buzzing around and butterflies nearby. Keep that cocoon on its own unique plant, treasured and nurtured and honoured with delicate care. But see? There are other cocoons too. Beautiful shapes and gentle colours, all on their own unique wildflowers. Keep them inside, nourished and safe with warm breezes and lots of sunlight, soft rain, and fresh mountain air. All those beautiful moments of connection, acceptance, love, and laughter, kept so preciously safe inside my body.
I am the caretaker of my moments of connection. I collect them ever so gently and keep them ever so safe. I am the only person in the world made for this job. Only I can do it. I whisper loving thoughts and sneak in cheeky smiles, dust them and water them, and snip back dead leaves. I am the caretaker of my connections. They grow wherever I go. Whenever I smile, another moment of connection is made. When I am kind to myself, the sunlight grows brighter, and my moments are safer. It’s my job to keep them safe. If I don’t love myself, the wind grows cold and my moments of connection wither. So I love myself, I nourish myself every minute of every day. And my cocoons are warm and happy. Right there for me to revisit whenever I want. But I can’t stay too long, or I forget to nourish myself. I need warm sun, big skies, clean water, lots of smiles. And dancing, lots of dancing. But the best way for me to nourish myself is to create.
Create.
I’m creating right now as I write this. And I’m smiling. I feel warm and at peace. My insides are warm, and my moments of connection are swaying gently, they’re happy too. I feel grateful. I feel safe. I feel connected. My creativity connects me. It keeps my moments of connections safe. When I am creative, I am my most nourished self.