Bohie’s Self-Care Tools and Tricks

Do you feel like your bucket is full? Not only full, over-fucking-flowing?

I heard this term from a physio a few years ago. I had checked in for a remedial massage after a long season of mural painting. She asked what sort of work I do and I gave the usual spiel about painting large scale murals, running my own business, managing existing clients, networking for more, attending night classes to learn copyright law, running a studio collective – oh yeah and my dad’s really sick and I’ve been flying back to Canberra any break I get to help him move house and also going to therapy for my own mental health and … phew! Umm, what was the question again?

She’s like “Woh, OK. Your bucket’s full.” 

I was like, “What’s that now?”

“Your bucket’s full,” she said. “Think of it like ... Your dad’s health is taking up 25% of your brain space right now, then your own health is another 30%. Running your business – well, that’s at least another 25%, and a large-scale mural on top of that…. that could easily be 40 or 50% depending on the job.”

She said “It’s like when you think you’re holding it together but then the printer jams and you have a total meltdown. All like, Why does this always happen to meeeeeee?! And it looks like a total over reaction, but it's that tiny moment the when your bucket’s tipped over. Your buckets already full of all this other shit. You’ve got NO CAPACITY.”

I realised that when my mind is full, my body takes the brunt. I gulp down my lunch while glaring at my half-finished mural, I toss and turn all night trying to preempt all the potential problems of the next day, I take shallow breaths and I rush through my exercise routine with my mind completely elsewhere… 

Everyone’s felt this at some point in their lives (maybe even every time a deadline looms). Some of us feel it more acutely than others, and more often. Some of us wake up with our buckets half full every day. 

I realised these sorts of behaviours were having a huge impact on my mental and physical health. My anxiety was all time high, my old friend Depression came with me everywhere I went, and I was getting sick more often and worse than ever before. I developed a fatigue so debilitating that my GP started looking for auto-immune diseases through multiple blood tests. I had crippling self-doubt in everyday social situations. I experienced heart wrenching loneliness even around my partner and closest friends, and I felt a sense of despair that I cannot begin to describe the depths of. 

In short, it was really scary. I felt like I was on the edge of the abyss. 

I had to make some changes. I swapped my city living for a 16-acre bush block and took 6 months off everything. I went into what I affectionately call “cocoon energy” and when I emerged, I promised myself I’d never let it get that bad again. 

Needless to say, capacity is my new favourite word. Capacity allows me to be present with my loved ones, and fully present in my creative flow. It allows me to feel grateful, compassionate, empathetic, kind, and considerate – no matter what someone is throwing at me. In short, the world needs a big old dose of capital C capacity right now. 

So Bohie, how do I get more capacity?

Well friend, I’m glad you asked. 

My first step is to notice when my bucket is feeling full. For me, it feels like a brain fog starts to set in; I’m stressed. I can’t make decisions and I feel overwhelmed by small things. I get snappy, even passive aggressive, and for me personally - I get SAD. My body feels stiff, and I’m reaching for comfort foods, or drink. I’m tired but I’m also having trouble staying asleep, and often have stressful dreams. 

When I notice even a sense of this now, I slow the fuck down. Even for just 10 minutes. I tune right in and hand-on-heart close my eyes and take a long (and sometimes shakey) big breath out. I slow my breathing right down (counting in for 3, and out for 5 - focusing on relaxing my muscles with the out breath). I tell myself that whatever I’m worried about isn’t the be all end all, that I’ll get through this and that I’m allowed to go at my own pace, in my own way. 

I keep a little notebook by my bed and write a list of things I’m grateful for first thing every morning and last thing every night. Sometimes it’s gratitude for a safe home or for friends that love me, sometimes it’s as basic as “I am goddam grateful for my arms right now because I wouldn’t even be able to create without these tired and floppy badboys”. 

The wild thing I’m finding with the gratitude practice is now that I’ve been doing it for a while, I can find a grateful spin for when times are hard – like “man, I am grateful for this really difficult client because they’re reminding me how to set strong boundaries and articulate myself.” It’s an invitation to lean in.

I prioritise time in nature where I actively try to quieten my mind (guided mediations really help here). I try to stay really curious and playful. How many of those singing birds can I identify by sound? How many birds’ nests can I spot? Where is that ant trail leading to? Are there any cool insect shells around? Zooming right in and allowing my focus to remain there – sometimes I even need to give myself permission to “waste time” (it’s not a waste). 

Any community routine that I can foster is a major benefit. I’ve been attending the same yoga class for 2 years now and it’s such a relief to return back it to after busy periods of mural work have kept me away. It’s become an anchor for me, and the teacher and other practitioners have become my friends. Drawing groups, writing groups, gardening groups – working towards my own craft with like-minded people who can hold me accountable has been incredible, especially in the bigger cities I’ve lived in. Being part of a community that shares similar values and interests not only nurtures a sense of belonging but also acts as a powerful antidote to the isolation that stress and burnout can cause, providing both support and accountability.

Journaling is an incredible tool, and hands down my most used tool in my tool box - particularly when I don’t feel safe or emotionally able to speak my inner most thoughts to my loved ones. Through the support of my therapist and the teachings of Brene Brown, I’ve developed a journalling habit of responding to my thoughts with gentle curiosity. I’ll literally talk to myself. Eg: “Hey journal..” (I call mine Honey, feels like I’m talking to a loved one). “Hey Honey, I feel shit today.” “Oh no, why’s that?” “I can’t create.” “How come?” “I suck.” “I’m listening, tell me more…” I dig deeper to shine a light into the shadows within, and in my experience once a light is on those thoughts they become so much sillier than they felt in the dark. 

It’s really important to be my own best friend during this process (which is sometimes a really hard thing to achieve). These thought patterns were created from really sucky times in my past, so it’s really important that I create a sense of safety within myself. Listening to my thoughts with kindness and non-judgement is paramount. I always remind myself that I am doing the best I can, and try to put it all into a bigger context.

Meditation is an incredible tool for this, and most practices encourage compassion and non-judgement when sitting with the thoughts within. I can highly recommend app’s like Calm and Headspace for short guided mediations (I still session them almost every day). 

The most important thing for me to remember is that I am worth caring for. That YOU are worth caring for. That your hardships are just as valid as the next persons, and not to compare your journey to anyone else’s. And always, always remember that no paycheque (no matter how big) is worth your physical or mental health. 

If you feel weighed down by your inner critic, self-doubt, loneliness or are feeling anything close to what you would describe as despair, tell someone IRL. You’re not alone. Ask for a hand to hold while you shine a metaphorical light on your dark inner spaces.

Every single mean voice in your head just wants to be loved and held and respected, like the rest of us. They just have fucked up ways of showing it. Don’t let them speak on your behalf, create your own daily practice for capacity. It will literally change your life.